Before I continue on, I in no way am saying either type of mom/wife is better than the other. I'm just saying which one is better for me.
OK, so I have this vision of the mom/wife I want to be. There's these 2 women I admire so much. Their moms of boys and their boys are often dirty (not filthy, just looking like they had fun), sometimes they wear funny cloths because they're obsessed with a particular cartoon character and they want to be just like that character. I've seen them come to church wearing capes even. The moms never look frazzled but will admit they get that way sometimes. I've seen them get onto their kids and not care who's looking because boys will be boys and sometimes mom needs to step in. And their house is a mess (again not filthy) but toys on the floor and what not. They sit back while their children run around and be crazy and they don't expect them to be quiet and still at all times. I want to be the mom that chases my kids around the house with Nerf guns (those things are a blast) have crazy dance parties and covered in flour with the kids while baking something fun, like a cake from scratch for no reason. Leave the house a mess while we go on an adventure.
But then I go into someone's house and it's crazy clean. Not a speck of dirt anywhere and I'm pretty sure their DVDs are alphabetized by content and I start thinking that's the mom/wife I need to be. I feel like my husband should wake up to a perfectly clean house, well groomed children, a beautifully put together wife. This is the other vision. I want other people to look at me and see someone who has it together. My house is spotless, my children are so well behaved, I'm drop-dead gorgeous (don't we all wish) and everybody has
Well he says he'd rather wake up to a wife who's happy with kids covered in chocolate.
He says that we can deep clean 1 day a week as a family. There's chores that need to be done everyday, but beyond that, I shouldn't focus on getting everything perfect everyday. Maybe if we have company, but other than that, who freakin' cares.
He wants me to be the wife I want to be not the one I feel I need to be. We just need to suppress the 1950's wife and find the playful one.
You are not alone in this struggle Suzie! I feel like I put a lot more pressure on myself in this regard than my husband ever would. And those lives that appear picture perfect from the outside? They could be lacking in critical areas...like happiness, playfulness, sincerity, etc. My mother-in-law has a sign in her kitchen that I try to keep in mind whenever I start to feel frantic, "my house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy." My husband is also getting better at noticing the signs and reining me back in when I start to get overwhelmed. He's better at seeing the big picture and helping me remember what REALLY matters:)
ReplyDeleteI like that sign, I think I may make my own sign like that. You see I LOVE arts and crafts but never have time to do it. I'm going to start making time. And I'm going to start with that sign and I already know where I'm going to hang it.
DeleteAnd I think you're right about the picture perfect people and there being something missing. Most don't play with their children or really care where they are and those children end up at my house which is cool 'cause I love having them here.
Suzie,
ReplyDeleteYou sound like an AMAZING mother! :) My dad used to get soooo angry at my mom if dinner wasn't on the table at exactly 6pm every night, or if us kids had made a mess playing....etc. I don't really remember a whole lot of the angry that went towards my dad, but what I do remember mostly is the love my mother had for us and the fact that she would sacrifice a sometimes messy home & an angry husband for her children's happiness. :)
What kinds of arts & crafts do you like? :)
Thank you so much for the compliment!
DeleteI like all different kinds of arts and crafts. I like to create things. I can get lost in Hobby Lobby for hours. I like to create house decor and make fun things with glitter and feathers with the kids to hang in our "art gallery" aka the hallway :) I design all my kids' birthday invitations, I enjoy stamps, and I love scrapbooking.
I want to learn how to sew and knit too.
Also I send you an email :-D
ReplyDeleteI like Tess's statement about being clean enough to be healthy, dirty enough to be happy. I thought about it for a minute and all of the happy, well balanced families I know are pretty close to being this way. There are chores and daily pick ups and that deep cleaning once a week and that helps everyone build the right sense of responsibility. But...what kids remember after they grow up is all the stuff you did between those times.
ReplyDeleteI love that your house is the one that all the other kids love to come to. Says a whole bunch!
Yeah all of my favorite memories growing up were of my parents spending time with me. Something else I need to try to remember is I don't need to take them to Disney Land to create memories because a homemade water park in our back yard is just as fun. Especially since crowds stress me out.
DeleteThis is cute. I am not a wife yet but I TOTALLY feel this way! Sometimes I picture my life with my kids running around being crazy and fun and then other times I picture how perfectly behaved and well-mannered I want them to be. I think it's a struggle all women have and the most important thing is to find the balance. There are times in public when we need our kids to be quiet and mature and there are times when it's good to pull the car over just to stop at some cool ice cream shop! :) I'm sure you are a great mom and wife!
ReplyDeleteThank you JJ! I think you'll make a great wife and mother someday too!
DeleteCouldn't agree more about the homemade water park in the backyard. I see parents give their toddlers ipads and cell phones when what the kids really need is a tub of water/sand and some washed-out cool whip bowls to play with. Or you'll see parents spending hundreds of dollars on fancy toys and amusements when what the kid really wants is 1 hour of undivided attention from mom and dad.
ReplyDeleteAnd there isn't a perfect clean/crazy mom and wife...often the mom's role in the family is to say okay everyone fun is fun but PUT YOUR LAUNDRY IN THE HAMPER! And sometimes the mom's role is to say okay, today we're going to lie in bed and eat peanut butter M&Ms because that's just what it means to be in this family. Kids need both...you need both. There's no perfect mom, but a mom who is unhappy with herself and is too hard on herself is harder on a family than a mom who says oh well, I made a mistake today but I'm still basically a good mom. It's okay to want to be clean. It's okay to want to be playful. Sometimes you can be playful as you clean. :P Give yourself a break and recognize all that you do right.
My biggest problem is that I don't allow myself to make mistakes so when I do I get really upset about it but that's what Dd is supposed to help with. :)
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