I've decided to come here and tell you all what has been going on. John lost his job and since he was the bread winner of the family, that put a huge financial burden on us. I do work, but it's normally only part time and is more for my mental well-being then an actual source of income. So we've been trying to find jobs, him a new job and me a full-time position. Plus I've been picking up extra hours at work to help bring in some money. When I'm not filling out applications, looking for places hiring in and out of my field and working extra hours, I've been taking care of the kids so they feel like everything's OK. Also, we only have one family vehicle and since I have to get a full-time job now, we'll need another one, so we've been looking for ways to get one and looking for one.
I honestly thought I'd be back by now, but it's taking so long to get this all figured out. I wish I could be here with you all, reading and commenting and supporting, but I just feel so disoriented right now. I know you all understand. You've been so supportive, it's truly a blessing for me. I will never be able to express what it has meant to us.
People we know keep asking if we're OK and I keep smiling and saying we're fine. Everything's good. Trying to be positive and optimistic. But the truth is, I'm not OK. Inside I'm falling to pieces. I'm hurt and pissed and I really just want to cry. I can't though. We have to keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other.
I just keep looking at the bills and the bank accounts and wondering how this is going to work. How we're going to get another car when we can't even figure out how to pay the bills we have now. On top of all of this, several friends we made through the department that we've grown close to have stopped talking to us altogether. That hurts the most. It's like we're not part of their "clique" anymore. There are rumors that they were told if they had any contact with us they would get fired, but not everyone from the department has wrote us off, so I don't know what the truth is and it hurts either way. We don't have these friends anymore and that hurts.
This has been a huge blow to John's ego. He feels he's let me and his family down. He hasn't though. There was nothing he could have done to prevent this, it's all political BS. They wanted him gone and found a way to do it. He's been depressed and mopey and kind of locked inside himself lately, which I completely understand. I'm trying to be supportive of him and to just be here for him, but I miss my husband. I want him back. I have seen some life in him a couple of times, but those moments are so rare and brief lately. I want him to feel good about himself again and not like a failure, I want him to smile and laugh again. This all just hurts so much.
I really just wanted to tell someone, I'm NOT OK. I know that I will be, but right now, I'm just not.
P.S. If you want to get a hold of me, you can e-mail me at suzieplus6@hotmail.com. My e-mails are sent directly to my phone so it acts like text messaging to me.
When it rains, it pours. I am so sorry about this challenging time you guys are going through! Sending lots of positive thoughts your way. You guys will get through this, together. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteThank you, Tess! I know we will get through this, sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but I know this too shall pass.
DeletePraying for you both. I pray that God will supply all your needs, and will help you feel his arms around you in this difficult time. When I quit working, we could make it just fine. Then my husband lost a contract which dropped our income by another 1200 dollars a month. It's been hard, but we found ways to cut back. Every month our savings have dwindled. I was informed a couple of weeks ago that I would start receiving Social Security Disability. I had days of doubt and depressions, but my husband would remind me that God will supply all our needs. I wish to encourage you. God's word says "Where 2 or more are gathered in His name, there He will be also." This community is full of people who will voice prayers, in His name, and He will listen. Try to keep your hopes up, and rely on His promises. God Bless You and Keep You, Belle L.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Belle L. The encouragement and support we've received here and in everyday life are so very much appreciated. I appreciate the prayers.
DeleteOMG Suzie, I am so sorry to hear this. :( Just what you did NOT need. And after John got the promotion, too. So sorry that you need to deal with this on top of everything.
ReplyDeleteA tiny question: would getting a small scooter/motorbike help to alleviate the transportation problem? Then whoever is going to work can take that (which will be a lot cheaper than a car)?
I hope that you find employment and stability quickly, and that during this time of hurt and confusion you will find comfort in each other rather than pull away. You're together for better or for worse, and now that things are for worse I will pray for you to find strength.
Getting a motorbike won't help because we need to take kids to school and pick them up. The one dropping them off may not be the one picking them up. Otherwise it would be a great idea.
DeleteI think this is one of those situations we'll find ourselves closer because of it.
I don't have any words that can offer a magical solution. Just know that you have a community here in blogland that will support, listen to you when you need to vent, offer cyber hugs when you feel alone and lift you up when you're feeling down.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Christina. I already know blogland is a good place for support. It's amazing how much support I can get from this community.
DeleteSo sorry to hear about this Suzie!! I know first-hand how wearing and difficult financial pressure is. Praying everything will work out for you. Big big hugs!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Molly.
DeleteWe've been there and it's so tough. The unfair part can be mind numbing at times. We will both be thinking of and praying for you. I hope that whatever extra work you need to do is temporary and that John will find a position that is better for all of you. I understand that desire to "have him back" and it's hard to know how to support them well in times like this as it eats at their self-worth really quickly. Hang in there and come back to talk it out with us any time.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Susie. It's true, it eats at their self-worthy so quickly, it's heart breaking.
DeleteSuzie, I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you. Huge hugs!
Thank you, Roz!
DeleteHi Suzie,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are going through this very difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sending you huge hugs.