A Dd Conversation

Sometimes when people think of Dd, they think of spanking or a list of rules and consequences.  Today, I would like to share with you a conversation we had yesterday that really brought to our attentions the whole dynamic of Dd.

We've been dealing with a certain behavioral issue with our son for a while now and I had come up with a disciplinary method we could try.  I brought it up to John and he agreed it sounded like a good idea, so we went with it.  The problem is that when it comes to our son, John tries to deal with him on his own and keep me completely out of the loop, so he never told me when John Jr was in trouble so that I could enforce our agreed upon discipline.  Then, yesterday, John Jr did it again and John stepped in to deal with it leaving me completely unaware there was an issue, but instead of utilizing my disciplinary method, he came up with one on his own without even discussing it with me.  When he told me about the punishment he had dealt our son, I was hurt and I snapped at him "Really!?  Really?!"  then walked off. 

I could have stayed and yelled at him about how he had completely disregarded my ideas and made his own, but instead I knew I was heated and left the conversation.  John could have taken my leaving as a symbol of my disrespect for him but instead he went in to our room and calmly yet firmly called me in there.  He didn't become defensive at all as he would have done pre-Dd.  When he called me, I didn't want to go, I wanted to sit in the other room and fume at him, but I knew he was the HOH and when  he summons me to the bedroom I had better go.  So I went.  He started off by saying that any attitude would not be tolerated, but that he was willing to discuss the matter with me further.  We did calmly and he realized that he had hurt my feelings my coming up with his own solution without discussing it with me after we agreed on another solution. 

We came up with a compromise that would allow him to not take back what he had already set as a punishment but instead limit it for the day, continue on with my idea for the time frame we agreed on and in the future, John will be sure to let me know if John Jr is in trouble so I can enforce it.  He agreed to give it another chance and if he feels it's not working to discuss other disciplinary options with me before handing them out.

I know this sounds so mundane, but pre-Dd, this situation could have played out completely differently.  It could have included yelling and screaming hurtful words, slamming doors, stomping off and sulking, the silent treatment, eventual tears, then we would have been back in the bedroom but crying trying to figure out how to take back the precious 24 hours and fix what we hurt in our relationship and our son's behavior would have gone unpunished in the midst of all that.

Sometimes Dd isn't just about spanking and rules, sometimes it means one person can take charge of a disagreement and steer the conversation in a more respectful direction.