My husband's family, for whatever reason, adds the phrase "in bed" at the end of their Chinese fortunes from those cookies. The other day, we went to eat Chinese and mine read:
"You're about to discover your hidden talents" (in bed)
Hmm...wonder what that could mean...
Friday, March 30, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Stupid Iron Got Me Swatted
I have anemia caused by an iron deficiency. I've been ordered to take an over the counter iron supplement. This has been required of me for many years, but I've never been good at doing it. I'm not good at taking a pill everyday. I start off really good for a few days, but then I miss a day, then another, then another and before you know it, I'm not taking it anymore. If my life ever depended on me taking a pill everyday, I would die, sad but true. I've tried putting in on my bedside table or by my coffee pot, but to no avail. So, John has decided he's going to enforce it by spanking. I've done really good about it, but I missed taking it for 3 days. Eek!
We've discovered already that I don't do well with the anticipation of a spanking, so he didn't tell me I was getting punished until we were out in the garage and I was bent bare over his knee, not a good time to find out if you ask me, there's no escape at that point. It was the most intense session we've had so far. It was the longest and hardest. I began screaming and squirming from the very beginning. I am not proud of the way I reacted. I actually became mad at him at one point, I was kicking my feet and screaming into the couch and I thought in my head "doesn't he see I'm crying, why isn't he stopping! He's such a jerk!" I think there were some swear words somewhere in there also. Again, I'm not proud of it. The fact is he knew I was mad, but he knew he had to spank through it. He just tightened his grip on me and kept going. He says he notices when I finally submit to him. I think in the heat of the moment (sorry for the pun), I don't, but I know at some point I relax and I'm no longer mad at him. The flight or fight reflex subsides, btw, my flight portion of the reflex is broken, so it's probably a good thing he can hold on tight or I may come up swinging.
Afterward, I feel completely vulnerable and I just need his touch. I need his arms around me while I give myself over to his protection. I feel safe and relaxed. And I went on to work to have a good day (er, night?).
I also remembered to take my iron today.
We've discovered already that I don't do well with the anticipation of a spanking, so he didn't tell me I was getting punished until we were out in the garage and I was bent bare over his knee, not a good time to find out if you ask me, there's no escape at that point. It was the most intense session we've had so far. It was the longest and hardest. I began screaming and squirming from the very beginning. I am not proud of the way I reacted. I actually became mad at him at one point, I was kicking my feet and screaming into the couch and I thought in my head "doesn't he see I'm crying, why isn't he stopping! He's such a jerk!" I think there were some swear words somewhere in there also. Again, I'm not proud of it. The fact is he knew I was mad, but he knew he had to spank through it. He just tightened his grip on me and kept going. He says he notices when I finally submit to him. I think in the heat of the moment (sorry for the pun), I don't, but I know at some point I relax and I'm no longer mad at him. The flight or fight reflex subsides, btw, my flight portion of the reflex is broken, so it's probably a good thing he can hold on tight or I may come up swinging.
Afterward, I feel completely vulnerable and I just need his touch. I need his arms around me while I give myself over to his protection. I feel safe and relaxed. And I went on to work to have a good day (er, night?).
I also remembered to take my iron today.
Monday, March 26, 2012
A Question Answered
On my last post I received the following questions from Susie at Her Mischief Managed (check that out, I learned something new!):
What is the biggest change you have seen in your relationship since starting Dd? Do you think you could go back to the way things were before or do you have the sense that you are in this for good?
At first I thought "I'm too new at this, I don't know how to answer" but then I got to thinking about it and you know what? I do have an answer, but first I have to give you a little background so you can all understand the significance of the changes we've made so far.
Before I continue on with my background, I would like to make it perfectly clear I don't want any of you to feel sorry for me. There's 2 reasons for that, 1) I don't live that life anymore and it has made me a stronger woman because I have lived it and 2) It could have been worse.
So here we go...
Background: Before I met my husband I was a single mom. There were times that internally I wanted to pitch a fit and scream "it's not fair!" There were times I wanted to lay down and give up or at least I wanted to freakin' cry, everyone cries and I wanted to too, but I couldn't. The weight of the world was on MY shoulders. When we were homeless, it was up to ME and no one else to find a place for us to stay. If there was no money to pay the electric bill or the water bill, it was MY job to find someway to pay it. When food was scarce, I made the sacrifice to go without eating so my son could eat and I had to work, I had to keep the house clean, I had to go grocery shopping with a screaming kid even if the only thing I had the patience to get was dinner for that night, I had to take care of a sick kid and EVERYTHING else. It was MY job to do it ALL and I sure as hell didn't have time to cry or feel sorry for myself. I often threw on clean, but not always nice looking cloths, threw my hair in a ponytail after a 5 min. shower and ran out of the door with no makeup (it's a wonder my husband ever saw me as beautiful when we met).
So, with that background, shifting from single mom mode to wife and mother mode has not been smooth, in fact at times it's been down right impossible. Ask my husband, he'll be glad to tell you about how frustrating it's been for him. I want to take charge and do everything, my way. He wanted and still wants to take some of that weight, he wants to see me stress less, he wants to freakin' help, is that so much for him to ask of me? Well, to me, it was. He'd often throw his hands in the air in exasperation. He'd lock himself in our room and watch TV while his wife was running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to do EVERYTHING by herself. He'd shut down and I would distance.
Since starting Dd, he takes control of my to-do list. I can negotiate to put something back on it if it's important to me but something else has to come off. He's in charge of disciplining the kids, that's no longer a task I have to do. I HAVE to let him help around the house and with the kids on his days off, even if that means staying in bed to avoid jumping in and doing my thing. I have to make time for myself. He's already made a rule that I have to shave my legs at least 3 times a week and get a pedicure at least once a month, but he's starting a new rule that I have to wear make-up whenever we go out somewhere. These rules aren't because he like to have a beautiful, well kept wife (though, that is a perk of his job), but they're because I feel calmer, more confident and happier when I take the time to make myself beautiful. I used to think I didn't like being a girl, I didn't like doing my hair or make-up, I didn't like dresses or high heels or pedicures, but it turns out I was wrong and I'm sort of getting used to this whole girl thing.
And that leads me to the answer to the second question...no, I don't think we'll ever go back to the way things were and I think if you asked my husband, he'd agree.
Well as the HOH, if we were to ever go back to the way it was before DD, it would lead to a Divorce because I can not take feeling like I have no say in my house or to be at home and never have anytime with my wife cause she is run run run. I have to feel that she needs me and that she respects me at the same time.
Thank you Susie for asking this question and getting me thinking and sorry to all you readers for it being so long.
What is the biggest change you have seen in your relationship since starting Dd? Do you think you could go back to the way things were before or do you have the sense that you are in this for good?
At first I thought "I'm too new at this, I don't know how to answer" but then I got to thinking about it and you know what? I do have an answer, but first I have to give you a little background so you can all understand the significance of the changes we've made so far.
Before I continue on with my background, I would like to make it perfectly clear I don't want any of you to feel sorry for me. There's 2 reasons for that, 1) I don't live that life anymore and it has made me a stronger woman because I have lived it and 2) It could have been worse.
So here we go...
Background: Before I met my husband I was a single mom. There were times that internally I wanted to pitch a fit and scream "it's not fair!" There were times I wanted to lay down and give up or at least I wanted to freakin' cry, everyone cries and I wanted to too, but I couldn't. The weight of the world was on MY shoulders. When we were homeless, it was up to ME and no one else to find a place for us to stay. If there was no money to pay the electric bill or the water bill, it was MY job to find someway to pay it. When food was scarce, I made the sacrifice to go without eating so my son could eat and I had to work, I had to keep the house clean, I had to go grocery shopping with a screaming kid even if the only thing I had the patience to get was dinner for that night, I had to take care of a sick kid and EVERYTHING else. It was MY job to do it ALL and I sure as hell didn't have time to cry or feel sorry for myself. I often threw on clean, but not always nice looking cloths, threw my hair in a ponytail after a 5 min. shower and ran out of the door with no makeup (it's a wonder my husband ever saw me as beautiful when we met).
So, with that background, shifting from single mom mode to wife and mother mode has not been smooth, in fact at times it's been down right impossible. Ask my husband, he'll be glad to tell you about how frustrating it's been for him. I want to take charge and do everything, my way. He wanted and still wants to take some of that weight, he wants to see me stress less, he wants to freakin' help, is that so much for him to ask of me? Well, to me, it was. He'd often throw his hands in the air in exasperation. He'd lock himself in our room and watch TV while his wife was running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to do EVERYTHING by herself. He'd shut down and I would distance.
Since starting Dd, he takes control of my to-do list. I can negotiate to put something back on it if it's important to me but something else has to come off. He's in charge of disciplining the kids, that's no longer a task I have to do. I HAVE to let him help around the house and with the kids on his days off, even if that means staying in bed to avoid jumping in and doing my thing. I have to make time for myself. He's already made a rule that I have to shave my legs at least 3 times a week and get a pedicure at least once a month, but he's starting a new rule that I have to wear make-up whenever we go out somewhere. These rules aren't because he like to have a beautiful, well kept wife (though, that is a perk of his job), but they're because I feel calmer, more confident and happier when I take the time to make myself beautiful. I used to think I didn't like being a girl, I didn't like doing my hair or make-up, I didn't like dresses or high heels or pedicures, but it turns out I was wrong and I'm sort of getting used to this whole girl thing.
And that leads me to the answer to the second question...no, I don't think we'll ever go back to the way things were and I think if you asked my husband, he'd agree.
Well as the HOH, if we were to ever go back to the way it was before DD, it would lead to a Divorce because I can not take feeling like I have no say in my house or to be at home and never have anytime with my wife cause she is run run run. I have to feel that she needs me and that she respects me at the same time.
Thank you Susie for asking this question and getting me thinking and sorry to all you readers for it being so long.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Now Taking Questions...
Ok, I'll play too.
Ask me a question and I'll answer it as best I can.
My husband's available for questions too...
And he just agreed to it (did I do that out of order?) :)
Ask me a question and I'll answer it as best I can.
My husband's available for questions too...
And he just agreed to it (did I do that out of order?) :)
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Spring Cleaning Without a Spanking (it's not over yet)
I haven't posted in a few days because we're in full spring cleaning swing. I'm on break...actually for the rest of the night. Tequila drink in hand, I'll update. Spring cleaning is an event I both look forward to and dread. I look forward to it because I actually enjoy cleaning, I find it peaceful, (that is without interruptions like kids, dogs, or husbands). And I like starting with a clean slate. I dread it because it's too big of a job for me to do by myself, so I actually need my husband here with me (see previous parenthesis), not that I don't enjoy spending time with him.
For any one out there who believes Dd wives are doormats who never have a say and must always do as told, this post may (or may not) be for you. You see, cleaning is my strength. I flourish in this area of our lives, so my wonderful loving adoring sexy amazing husband (had to make up for previous parenthesis) had put me in charge of this one. That's right, he must do as I say. Except he's still HOH, so respect is still expected.
There's been no fighting, screaming, throwing things, stomping off in a fit of frustration this time though and here's why...he gave me permission to be in charge, I didn't take charge and I still must speak to him with respect. In previous years, I am not careful with my words and tone, I just get frustrated and yell and stomp off.
But we're not done with spring cleaning, so there's still time for a spanking...
For any one out there who believes Dd wives are doormats who never have a say and must always do as told, this post may (or may not) be for you. You see, cleaning is my strength. I flourish in this area of our lives, so my wonderful loving adoring sexy amazing husband (had to make up for previous parenthesis) had put me in charge of this one. That's right, he must do as I say. Except he's still HOH, so respect is still expected.
There's been no fighting, screaming, throwing things, stomping off in a fit of frustration this time though and here's why...he gave me permission to be in charge, I didn't take charge and I still must speak to him with respect. In previous years, I am not careful with my words and tone, I just get frustrated and yell and stomp off.
But we're not done with spring cleaning, so there's still time for a spanking...
Monday, March 19, 2012
Distancing
No not me...(this time).
My husband and I continuously worry about the safety of my step-daughters when they are in the care of their mother. She's a very selfish person. Some day I may get into all the reasons why I dislike her so much, but for now I'll just say we're not going to be best friends anytime soon and it's NOT because she's my husband's ex-wife, THAT I can deal with. We've been sitting back worried as we wait for her to screw up enough to take her back to court and hoping nothing really bad and irreversible could happen before then. We try not to think about it and work really hard to provide a safe environment for my step-daughters while they're here.
Unfortunately and fortunately, we got a call from a concerned neighbor of hers. This may be what we're looking for and while there's a little bit of excitement there, we really don't want those girls to be in danger, yet they are. I won't go into all the details on here, but I wanted to give you readers that background.
So, we're both processing our feelings about this in our own little ways, but it's hard for me because I'm a woman ans I want to talk about it but he's a man and he wants to process it all internally. I can tell he's distressed and I don't want to push him, but I want to be here for him. I feel lost because I can feel the distance between us and I'm kind of shaky on how to move forward in the most productive way for him. He's trying not to put this wall between us, but I feel it. I understand it, but that doesn't make it any easier for me to deal with. He knows I'm here when he's ready to talk and let everything out.
My husband and I continuously worry about the safety of my step-daughters when they are in the care of their mother. She's a very selfish person. Some day I may get into all the reasons why I dislike her so much, but for now I'll just say we're not going to be best friends anytime soon and it's NOT because she's my husband's ex-wife, THAT I can deal with. We've been sitting back worried as we wait for her to screw up enough to take her back to court and hoping nothing really bad and irreversible could happen before then. We try not to think about it and work really hard to provide a safe environment for my step-daughters while they're here.
Unfortunately and fortunately, we got a call from a concerned neighbor of hers. This may be what we're looking for and while there's a little bit of excitement there, we really don't want those girls to be in danger, yet they are. I won't go into all the details on here, but I wanted to give you readers that background.
So, we're both processing our feelings about this in our own little ways, but it's hard for me because I'm a woman ans I want to talk about it but he's a man and he wants to process it all internally. I can tell he's distressed and I don't want to push him, but I want to be here for him. I feel lost because I can feel the distance between us and I'm kind of shaky on how to move forward in the most productive way for him. He's trying not to put this wall between us, but I feel it. I understand it, but that doesn't make it any easier for me to deal with. He knows I'm here when he's ready to talk and let everything out.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Spanking Fail
Yesterday I asked for a spanking. I don't know why I wanted one and I really didn't want one but I did. (I'm complicated). My wonderful husband of course obliged. We went out and it was a mess. The kids had gotten into the garage and all our implements were missing except the belt. We don't have any obvious implements yet. We had a back brush, a ping pong paddle, a wooden dowel and his belt. We need to get more, just don't really know what and where. So, anyway, our limited selection was even more limited for this spanking.
I've said "no" and "please stop" in the past. He used to stop when I said those but we have talked about it and now he uses them as clues that I'm ready for him to increase the intensity. (I know I'm weird!). But yesterday I cried a phrase he'd never heard me say before, I told him I didn't want to do this anymore. He didn't stop but he was so unsure of how I felt. He didn't know if this fell in the category as the previous statements, so he eased up the intensity and finished a little early. To be perfectly honest, the spanking had little effect on my attitude. The pain subsided before he even left for work and my bottom barely remembers it today. But I'm glad he didn't keep going. I didn't mean to scare him, but the belt doesn't work well for us OTK and he was missing all over the place. I honestly didn't feel comfortable. He did what I asked and didn't stop when I said that, for that I know he listens and cares what I say, but he did lighten up and finish early because it was a new phrase, for that I know he's worried about how I feel and he cares about what I'm going through.
I'm writing this mostly for him, so he knows I still trust him. So he knows I realize we're both still learning and we're both going to make mistakes. So he knows I don't want to stop Dd. I'm glad he listens and watches my body language during a spanking. We didn't have much time to talk about it last night because he had to rush off to work shortly after the spanking, so we will need to talk so we can move forward.
And we need to get some new implements.
I've said "no" and "please stop" in the past. He used to stop when I said those but we have talked about it and now he uses them as clues that I'm ready for him to increase the intensity. (I know I'm weird!). But yesterday I cried a phrase he'd never heard me say before, I told him I didn't want to do this anymore. He didn't stop but he was so unsure of how I felt. He didn't know if this fell in the category as the previous statements, so he eased up the intensity and finished a little early. To be perfectly honest, the spanking had little effect on my attitude. The pain subsided before he even left for work and my bottom barely remembers it today. But I'm glad he didn't keep going. I didn't mean to scare him, but the belt doesn't work well for us OTK and he was missing all over the place. I honestly didn't feel comfortable. He did what I asked and didn't stop when I said that, for that I know he listens and cares what I say, but he did lighten up and finish early because it was a new phrase, for that I know he's worried about how I feel and he cares about what I'm going through.
I'm writing this mostly for him, so he knows I still trust him. So he knows I realize we're both still learning and we're both going to make mistakes. So he knows I don't want to stop Dd. I'm glad he listens and watches my body language during a spanking. We didn't have much time to talk about it last night because he had to rush off to work shortly after the spanking, so we will need to talk so we can move forward.
And we need to get some new implements.
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